Painfully Millennial Stories

I once poisoned myself with kombucha (and other painfully millennial stories)

Kombucha Beware

Perhaps the most millennial way to nearly kill yourself (or, you know, give yourself seriously bad food poisoning) — not badly stored poké or questionable avocados — heck no. Kombucha, the drink that’s meant to be all about living your best life, spending an hour’s wage on a precious trendy recycled bottle on the way out from WholeFoods, on the way back to your overpriced rental in Central London. Oh kombucha, promised drink, you betrayed me. Big time.

Tinder Dates

I probably shouldn’t have agreed to either of the two Tinder dates I went on. One of them gave plenty of warning signs, like using a lot of caps and bad spelling in his messages. “Omg, isn’t it sweet that you are soooooo smart!” he said when we did meet, hefting most of our ‘shared plate’ into his mouth. This was a response to me explaining the Australian electoral system to him; he was delighted I understood voting. I am also delighted that I understand voting. But I’m not used to men cooing over me like I’ve just said my first word and they’ve borne witness.

Living in The Cupboard

It’s a sad fact of millennial life that you’re probably unable to buy a home until half your relatives die, particularly if you live in a big city like London. Stopping short of wishing death to your loved ones (which is, yeah, extreme…), you’re often faced with some ugly choices about where to live. I faced those ugly choices in 2016 when I underwent what I affectionately term my ‘Whole Life Implosion’. You can read more about that not-so-lols time below. Joyous!

The Speed Date That Became an Actual Date

“There is no actual gender pay gap,” he announced assertively, mid-conversation about what we each did for a living. “It’s just a story invented to make men feel bad.”

‘That doesn’t seem very “mindful”’

Here’s the thing about living right now: Everyone’s a fucking artist. Or a ‘creative’. Everyone’s environmentally conscious, going plant-based, anti-capitalism, etc. Including me. I own it. I am one of those people. Once you’ve identified yourself as ‘one of those people’ there are so many aligned causes to suddenly magnetise towards.

Coffee is Life, Stop Ruining It

Standing around laughing as I passed by, coffee cup in hand: “Oh there she goes again, with all her posh coffees, all the time!”

Millennial Fail, A Love Story

Aren’t we so super lucky to live in this day and age, of greater gender equality and WholeFoods and Amazon Prime? Seriously though, living today is basically the epitome of comfort compared to literally every time that’s come before. And yet, our issues today are just as bizarre, just as hard to navigate, if for different reasons.

Written by

Trying to live better. Writing on Mental Health, Relationships, and Living Ethically. Editor/Podcaster.

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