Coming up to my four year anniversary (sorry mum!) as a resident of Old Blighty, I wanted to take the time to reflect on what I wish I’d known before I got here. An ex-pat from a far away land (Australia…), I’ve got a lot of complicated feelings about the town I call home. It’s a marvellous, difficult, unrelenting, awe-inspiring place to live. Here’s what you should know about London before you move here:
Everyone’s here to ‘be a creative’
Oh man, if I have to hear one more time… Basically, everyone’s here to do something ‘creative’, myself included. It’s a good thing to know before you get here: most people come for the promise of exploring their deepest hidden talent, in the hope they’ll finally find their niche. Competition is fierce, so get ready. I am absolutely just one of those hipsters, typing away at my computer in the corner of a faux-independent coffee shop in Soho. Practice your ‘I’m really interested in your artistic pursuit’ face too, because you’re going to need it.
This is not the town of romance
Although I have found love now after four years, let me just warn you: I was single in London for 2+ years, because almost everyone here is an absolute douche-crumpet when it comes to relationships. Most people are here to ‘discover themselves’ or ‘have a good time’ and that usually means sleeping with as many people as possible and never talking to them again. Fine for some, but not a romance novel ending. There are more fuckboys than pigeons, and it’s a problem. Swipe left.
I’ve ended up with a wonderful partner now, but we didn’t meet through a dating app, and I think that’s the thing: finding yourself a Prince Harry lookalike on Bumble in London is going to be tough. Because they basically 1. Don’t exist and 2. Will not be looking for a relationship. London is the city of the wilfully single, so if you were dreaming of a Notting-Hill-starring-Hugh-Grant-and-Julia-Roberts style encounter, you’re going to be disappointed.
Brexit confuses everyone
Nobody knows what is going on, so it’s basically pointless to ask. Every day I feel a little…