What Nobody Will Tell You About London

The good, the bad and the ugly of Old Blighty

9 min readOct 19, 2018

She’s pretty but she’s mean…. Get ready for some real talk about London. Photo by Natanael Vieira on Unsplash

Coming up to my four year anniversary (sorry mum!) as a resident of Old Blighty, I wanted to take the time to reflect on what I wish I’d known before I got here. An ex-pat from a far away land (Australia…), I’ve got a lot of complicated feelings about the town I call home. It’s a marvellous, difficult, unrelenting, awe-inspiring place to live. Here’s what you should know about London before you move here:

Everyone’s here to ‘be a creative’

Oh man, if I have to hear one more time… Basically, everyone’s here to do something ‘creative’, myself included. It’s a good thing to know before you get here: most people come for the promise of exploring their deepest hidden talent, in the hope they’ll finally find their niche. Competition is fierce, so get ready. I am absolutely just one of those hipsters, typing away at my computer in the corner of a faux-independent coffee shop in Soho. Practice your ‘I’m really interested in your artistic pursuit’ face too, because you’re going to need it.

This is not the town of romance

Although I have found love now after four years, let me just warn you: I was single in London for 2+ years, because almost everyone here is an absolute douche-crumpet when it comes to relationships. Most people are here to ‘discover themselves’ or ‘have a good time’ and that usually means sleeping with as many people as possible and never talking to them again. Fine for some, but not a romance novel ending. There are more fuckboys than pigeons, and it’s a problem. Swipe left.

I’ve ended up with a wonderful partner now, but we didn’t meet through a dating app, and I think that’s the thing: finding yourself a Prince Harry lookalike on Bumble in London is going to be tough. Because they basically 1. Don’t exist and 2. Will not be looking for a relationship. London is the city of the wilfully single, so if you were dreaming of a Notting-Hill-starring-Hugh-Grant-and-Julia-Roberts style encounter, you’re going to be disappointed.